Confessions of a Former Extrovert
In March 2019, my life underwent a profound transformation. It felt as though my very DNA had undergone a metamorphosis, altering my essence in ways I could have never predicted. The country southerner who had once thrived in the bustling City of Angels suddenly found themselves yearning for something different. Gone were the days when I eagerly attended every award show, screening, day party, afterparty, kickback, and Sunday Funday or reveled in the company of large groups for extended periods. It was as if a celestial switch had been flipped, and I found solace in my own company.
I began to cherish the companionship of a good book over prolonged conversations. The clinking of glasses at Hollywood parties lost its allure, and I discovered that a quiet evening at home with a generous pour of red wine was my newfound delight. The question loomed: Had I become an introvert? In solitude, I now replenished my energy, my social battery limited, and I actively sought out short but profound conversations over the usual Hollywood chatter. This transition was challenging, particularly given my role as a creative in the entertainment industry. I vividly remember confiding in my manager, Helena, who would send me playful texts at parties, reminding me to "put coins in the extrovert meter" as I often found myself eyeing the exit when I had an hour of socializing left to endure.
My therapist offered sage advice, reminding me that as humans, we are meant to evolve, and resisting this natural progression can lead to unforeseen problems. So, I embraced it. I discovered a sense of rest, peace, and genuine joy in my own company. My inner thoughts grew kinder and more encouraging, and I realized that I was remarkably more creative in solitude. It was a triumph; it felt as though a higher power was watching over me, guiding me toward a new version of myself. Yet, this transformative journey came at a cost.
After being an extrovert for over three decades, I had accumulated more friends and associates than Marvel has characters. As I embarked on this new, introverted phase of life, friends felt abandoned, offended, disrespected, and, in some cases, dismissed. How could I convey to them that my love remained steadfast, but my capacity for social engagement had shifted? That my energy no longer permitted me to be the social butterfly I once was, and that while I cherished solitude, I was willing to make exceptions for genuine connection? Crisis, celebrations, promotions, impactful life moments, and the occasional spontaneous (yet considerate) gathering were still very much on the table. Navigating friendships proved to be the most challenging aspect of this evolution, leading me to numerous therapy sessions in search of guidance.
Ultimately, the conclusion was clear: I cannot please everyone. I had to prioritize my own well-being and set boundaries to protect my newfound balance. Putting myself first was not selfish; it was a necessity. Try working while running on empty, or being a pillar of emotional support when your own reserves are depleted. Boundaries exist for a reason, and once established, they must be maintained, even in the face of resistance and challenges. This newfound approach to life didn't mean I was renouncing human interactions or a fantastic, adventurous existence; instead, it meant that I had created a framework to live life on my own terms, with respect for my own needs and priorities.
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